The students build their claim and support their thesis statement by including the topic sentence and the subsequent information generated from relevant sources. Using examples from other scholars also helps build the argument and support the main claim of their work.
How are these essays working to prove/support the students' claims?
I found it satisfying that the first student has proven the problem of separation and its detrimental effects by presenting arguments that appeal to the senses. Again, the second student satisfactorily delves into understanding the struggles faced by first-generation college students, the causes of such struggles, and the suggestion of ways to address such problems. This effectively supports and proves the main claims of both essays.
What are the body paragraphs doing - how do they work?
Both students present convincing arguments for the readers through the portrayal of the problem, the causes of the problems, and the effects of such issues in various body paragraphs. It is important to note that the body paragraphs in each of the two essays play diverse roles in addressing the thematic concerns. For instance, in both essays, the introductory paragraphs have been used to present the essay's general argument. The opening paragraphs in both essays culminate in the thesis statement.
How are the paragraphs focused? Do you see topic sentences?
I also discovered that the first essay on the Traumatic effects of separation on Immigrant Children lacks a topic sentence in the first paragraph, and the arguments therein do not support the thesis statement. The second student, however, presents a topic sentence and arguments that address the primary claim. Thus, I have learned that each paragraph should contain the topic sentence that gives the general information discussed in the paragraph.
How do these students use sources?
In my opinion, both the students use sources that are relevant in addressing their significant claims. The sources used to provide essential information in addressing the main claim provided by the topic sentence as well as the thesis statement.
What’s the difference between quoting and paraphrasing?
I have also learned that quoting involves using the information from another source while acknowledging the author, while paraphrasing consists of adopting a person's idea to develop your idea.
How do these student writers anticipate their readers' reactions? How do these students appeal to readers?
The students anticipate capturing the emotions of the readers through presenting arguments that trigger feelings and appealing to the readers. As such, they capture the reactions of the readers.
Before the Changes
Males who do enroll in college after high school dropout at rates that exceed those of their female peers by approximately twenty percent (National Center for Education Statistics). Likewise, as previously mentioned, males earn lower grades than females on average, and many fail to complete their courses of study in pursuit of a Bachelor's degree. These statistics beg why males enroll at lower rates and underperform their female counterparts in college.
There is a tremendous amount of pressure on males to succeed in high school and beyond. However, this pressure is also combined with significant gender norms that create shame in men who are not seen as able to provide for their families or are seen as less masculine due to their enjoyment of academic pursuits (Weber, Cislaghi, and Meausoone).
After the Changes
According to the National Center for Education Statistics, the males who fail to enroll in college after dropping out from high school exceed the female counterparts by almost twenty percent. Again, the males have been seen to earn lower grades than the females and may not complete their courses while pursuing their Bachelor's Degree (Weber, Cislaghi, and Meausoone). This poses the concern of why the males enroll in some significantly lower rates in college than their female counterparts.
According to Weber et al., there has been a significant pressure on the males to succeed in high school and subsequent academic levels. Such pressures are combined with some considerable gender norms that result in the creation of shame in men who are viewed as being unable to provide for their families.
Why Changes Improve The Work
The changes provide clear topic statements in each paragraph as well as a well-blended in-text citation characterized by the various signal break.
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