Blame and Forgiveness - Research Paper Sample

Introduction

Mistakes are a part of everyday life. People are naturally social, which makes them vulnerable to making mistakes. When such happens, most are bound to blame each other, especially when they feel it is the other's fault. In interpersonal relationships, individuals share a lot, and sometimes mistakes can occur. For the relationship to flourish, it requires a lot of nurturing, which mistakes can otherwise destroy. In interpersonal relationships people can offend each other, which prompts efforts to seek forgiveness. Many scholars have studied the two concepts to unravel their role in human relationships. From the various research, blame can either make or break relationships while forgiveness mends the broken hearts, only when sincere.

Is your time best spent reading someone else’s essay? Get a 100% original essay FROM A CERTIFIED WRITER!

Save 25%

Valuable Moral Functions

Blame serves a valuable moral function in the relationship. It makes people responsible for their actions. From this perspective, blame becomes beneficial in an interpersonal relationship. However, blame can strain a relationship since it is a way of running away from guilt and is self-serving. Blaming people can destroy healthy interpersonal relationships. Blame is a defensive mechanism that a person can use to evade guilt or any unpleasant experience (Houston 128-147).

When a closely related person wrongs someone or gets into trouble, the best way to help them share their difficulties. Blaming wrongdoers can make them more guilty and depressed. Sharing problems rather than blaming would make a loved one feel secure and valued. Studies indicate that most people who blame others do so because of a guilty conscience (Houston 128-147). They know that they failed to prevent the wrong thing from happening, so they blame others as a defense mechanism.

Blaming a person who has experienced some oppression would deteriorate their conditions rather than make them better (Houston 128-147). It is never these person's fate that they suffer. Helping them cope should be the solution since, in this case, they are the victims. The writer argues that, for instance, rape victims would need protection assurance from the people they love rather than blames (Houston 128-147). Due to this reason, blaming someone you love would hurt a relationship.

Self Serving Bias

Additionally, blaming others in an interpersonal relationship is a self-serving bias. When people do good things, they praise themselves. But when things get out of hand, they blame others. In this regard, blame becomes self-seeking and should not have a place in interpersonal relationships (Houston 128-147). The author address blame as a moral issue affecting lesbians (Houston 128-147). She argues that people must renounce blame as it only seeks to depress the concerned population (Houston 128-147). She says, when society blames lesbians for being sexually disoriented, it only makes these people's lives painful (Houston 128-147).

In interpersonal relationships, blaming a person for choosing a particular way of life is never constructive since each person has the free will to lead the life of choice. The best way to help these people is to understand their decision and embrace individual differences to avoid ruining relationships. For instance, if a father blames a son who has come out as gay, it could never solve the issue. Having a heart-to-heart conversation between the son and the father would help unravel the problem's root cause.

Even though blame can be harmful to relationships, it still important in interpersonal relationships. Blame can help make people responsible for relationships. The expressive theory of responsibility argues that blame can make a person accountable for their actions (Houston 128-147). It would be impossible to hold a person responsible for some actions without feelings such as love, gratitude, anger, or forgiveness (Hughes 331-340). People cannot be truthful in a relationship through these feelings, unlike when they continually assume everything is fine since they have restrained from blame. It paves the way for forgiveness and getting rid of grudge and vengeance (Hughes 331-340). For instance, when a spouse confronts their partner, the partner owns the mistake and asks for forgiveness, which mends the relation. It makes a relationship mature as the partner owns their mistakes and intends to make things right.

As much as people have to blame others for their mistakes, it is always prudent to do it the right way without hurting relationships. In some circumstances, blaming can be useful when done the right way. However, for blame to be appropriate, a person must look at some factors (Houston 128-147). They include the mistake committed and the circumstances surrounding the mistake, the blamer's relationship, and the one being blamed (Houston 128-147). The mistake committed is essential in determining the blameworthiness of a person. Some mistakes could be so grievous that blaming a person would not help.

Alternatively, a mistake can be too minor for blame. For instance, a parent realizes that her son has taken to drugs, and it is too late. The best way to help the son is to talk to him to enroll in a corrective program. In this case, if the parent blames the son for getting into the wrong ways, they may lose the son (Houston 128-147). Also, if the parents start blame-shifting on whose fault it was that the son went astray, they may not save him. Blames at such a time would be unnecessary since the problem at hand requires immediate intervention. However, if a person's mistake is not grievous, it does no harm to hold the person accountable since this would not lead to more harm.

Physical and Psychological Dispositions

Before blaming someone for the mistake they have committed, it is appropriate that one understands the person's physical and psychological dispositions. It is right to blame a blameworthy person (Houston 128-147). Such a person is rightfully wrong, and a person can judge them so. With this view, it would be inappropriate to blame an insane person. A mentally ill person would make mistakes without sound reason, and they cannot help themselves. For instance, an insane person living with a minor can accidentally hit the kid with an object on the head, causing death in a moment of a mental snap. Blaming such a person for the death of the kid would not be appropriate. However, some people commit mistakes, intentionally and in their right senses. Such people are blameworthy. For instance, when a person causes an accident for drunk driving and kills an innocent pedestrian should be blamed for the matter. If the person is arrested for DUI, they will be held responsible. First, the person intentionally intoxicated themselves with alcohol and exceeded the required limit by the law. Secondly, the person decided to intentionally drive the car with the knowledge that they are drunk, thus breaking the law. Since the person could have prevented themselves from the mistake but anyway went forward, they are responsible and should be blamed.

Even when a person is blameworthy, not anyone can blame such a person unless some factors play a part (Houston 128-147). When a person has made a mistake, it is appropriate that the one who blames them has the moral authority to do so. For instance, one cannot blame someone for being immoral when they also have unbecoming behaviors. Such a person is not well-positioned to blame the husband, and doing so would be inappropriate. Also, a random person cannot blame a kid for behaving b since it is never their business, as they hold no such responsibility (Houston 128-147). When the wrong person blames someone, it will not be effective. Blame is always supposed to make a person accept the mistake and ask for forgiveness (Houston 128-147). Asking for forgiveness from someone who is never your business would not work out well. It would be okay for a wrongdoer to dismiss such blames.

Inappropriate Blame

Also, the blamer can see a mistake in others with an intent to find faults. Due to this, sometimes blamers are hypocritical, which makes the blame inappropriate. If a person is guilty of the acts committed by another, condemning is not right (Houston 128-147). For instance, a supervisor hides an inventory such that a colleague with whom they are not on good terms fails to do the routine stock taking. The managers get angry with the worker for not updating the inventory and summons the supervisor about the issue. The supervisor pretends not to be aware of and confronts the inventory keeper for failing to partake in their duties. However, a sense of guilt ascends upon the supervisor, so they find it difficult to blame the worker. In this scenario, the supervisor is hypocritical to blame, and thus it would be inappropriate for them to condemn the worker.

Whether it is appropriate or not to blame a person is construed on some dimensions. Each society has moral values that dictate if it is appropriate to blame an individual (Houston 128-147). Therefore, the issue of whether it is okay to blame someone for the wrong committed is complicated. For example, forced marriage is common and acceptable in some traditional communities, especially in Africa. It would not be appropriate for a community member to blame the girl's parents if they have guilt since they understand the practice. However, an outsider can comfortably blame the parent because they do not belong to the community. Therefore, to blame a person, one must have no guilt.

Blame and forgiveness are mutual concepts. Forgiving is the cessation of the resentment toward an offensive subject (Hughes 331-340). Blame entails declaring or feeling that someone is irresponsible (Hughes 331-340). In a broader perspective, blame encompasses judgment, guilt, punishment, and consequence (Hughes 331-340). The definition of the two terms hints at the correlation. When a person has asked for forgiveness, they get rid of the blame (Hughes 331-340). Also, it is impossible to ask for forgiveness from someone whom one has not blamed.

Social Grounds

Sometimes people forgive each other on social grounds. Every so often, when a person tells another that they have forgiven them, it is meant to mend the mistake and enhance their social relationships. The one asking for forgiveness wants to bury the past so that they can move on as before. Sometimes, it could be just superficial, with no intention of getting rid of the blame. However, this does not mean the transgression has stopped, and thus blame can go even beyond forgiveness (Hughes 331-340). For instance, a mother may rebuke her daughter for indecent dressing. The daughter will ask for forgiveness and promise to mend her ways.

The mother, on the other hand, will forgive the girl because she expects changed behavior. However, the daughter stops to dress skimpily in the mother's presence, but she dresses in the same indecent manner when her mother is not around. In this case, the daughter only asked for forgiveness because she did not want to disappoint her mother. Therefore, it would not be sincere forgiveness since the daughter did not take responsibility for her mistakes. Sincere social forgiveness requires that a person accepts the mistake, feels remorseful, and seeks to mend their ways. Thus, not every aspect of forgiveness intends to eliminate negative emotions such as anger, resentment, or guilt (Hughes 331-340).

Conclusion

On the other hand, forgiveness involves someone becoming sincere in their intent to ask for forgiveness and observing all the tenets that have to do with the forgiveness (Hughes 331-340). Forgiveness then becomes complete because the person will get rid of the guilt and anger. However, most people have the habit of not accepting the mistakes, which bars them from attaining genuine forgiveness. The majority would just say, "I'm sorry," for the sake of it, but in the heart, they have not gotten rid of the remorse (Hughes 331-340).