Essay Sample on Unconditional Self-Love

Introduction

Unconditional self-love or positive regard is the foundation of emotional and psychological well-being. Human beings must learn to embrace self-acceptance, placing their stead first in everything. Failure to appreciate oneself often results in a defensive mechanism of distortion and denial. It is not worth it all to side-line personal preferences to accommodate others opinions, values, and goals. Positive self-regard will only take place where there is a high intrinsic valuing system. Susun Weed in Healing Wise argues that self-love is liberating. Loving oneself is a process, that needs learning and training. "Learn to accept unconditional love from yourself" (Susun 24).

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The correct guiding question to ask is: how is self-love practiced? There are many ways to implement the doctrine of self-life in everyday activity. Susun places self-forgiveness first in the list. There are many times we allow people to hurt us. We paint pictures in our mind of the standards of a perfect person. Through our interaction with many people from diverse backgrounds, it is possible to overlook the fact that we all have different experiences. It will be detrimental for anyone to give way entirely to someone's suggestions on how we should live ("Reclaiming your Wholeness with Unconditional Self-Regard"). As a result, we eventually hurt and even suffer from their remarks and reactions. The art of letting go of the bitter experiences lies in our hearts. "Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." (Susun 24). Therefore, it behooves every person to forgive all the people who caused all forms of hurting.

Psychologists advise that bitter experiences can be stepping stones in our lives if looked at differently. They are opportunities which teach us to handle things in a particular way than the way they were treated before. The longer we take to let go, the longer it takes to heal. Whenever the heart holds a grudge against someone, the ability to love is restrained (Shim et al. 842). Susun suggests that love forms a very crucial part of optimum nutrition. The ultimate idea is to love people regardless of what they think about us or act. Every moment, every experience should be enjoyed to increase the capacity of the heart to love unconditionally.

Another way self-love can be practiced by saying "no" fearlessly, thoughtfully and unwaveringly when conditions require a "no." The ability to strongly say "no" to friends and anyone is an index of a high self-valuing system. It is most unfair to sacrifice one's peace for the sake of another person's tastes. The heart, therefore, must learn to be truthful to itself to say "no" as frequently as "yes." In business and daily life activities, it is easy to consent to every situation and end up taking a load of duties and tasks. People, therefore, should learn the skill of how and when to say no without feeling guilty. Saying no is not only a show of confidence but a healthy habit of wellbeing (Timmreck 220). Assertiveness in saying no has essential benefits. First, you will have plenty of time to attend to your own needs. People with low self-esteem feel like they have let down someone with an emphatic no. To say no effectively, you will have to consider how you will perceive by carrying out the assigned task. The other part should get the reasons for not performing the function with respect.

Self-acceptance, however, much be separated from self-esteem. Self-esteem is limited to how a person values themselves concerning others (Shim et al. 844). Self-acceptance is more than self-evaluation. All our strengths, weaknesses, and limitations are accommodated because they form who we are. The ability to accept our nature with our shortcomings is the definition of self-acceptance. The environments we grow in have a significant impact on the degree of success we will manifest self-acceptance. Comments from teachers, friends, parents can instill doubts. Naturally, there is a tendency in every person to blame themselves for what we cannot do.

There exists a gap between self-love and self-acceptance if self-improvement has not been practiced. In many cases, the weakness manifested in human beings can be improved and be less severe. For example, an underperforming student may be receiving poor grades because they are spending less time in their academic work. The real obstacle to the student's performance should be other factors like finance and not natural intelligence. Such a student should start with committing themselves to class work and gauge their ability. The only danger self-improvement faces are the procrastination of self-acceptance. One may live to know that they are weak at doing something till the day they will perform miracles of excellence.

Self-love exercised through intrinsic motivation fosters growth-oriented traits which help a person pursue their dreams and interests. Fulfilling one's goals and dreams is personally rewarding as opposed to realigning yourself to fit another person's ideas. Such motivation energizes capabilities, improves happiness and satisfaction in life. It is demonstrable from research conducted that intrinsic valuing makes people less defensive and more self-accepting (Neff 3). Should our intelligence, physique, and behaviors fail to meet the imagined standards, we will not be imprisoned whatsoever. Despite the certain deficiencies, we can afford some happiness having known that we did the best we could.

Another way to practice self-love is to understand that love and passion spring first from within, not from without. Susun says that our attempts to find love from the external world is like a "bottomless pit" (Susun 25). This implies that it is not in the external world to give us happiness. We will be bound to meet several disappointments. Extracting love from the world or other people is sophisticated. Once we understand and live by this perspective, the once bottomless pit at least becomes finite. Acts of loving kindness to other people start filling up the deep empty hole till its full of compassion to the brim. Doing well even when it is not fashionable to do so, forgiving errant persons, expecting little after performing great acts of kindness are magical to softening our hearts to offer unconditional love.

Self-compassion is another tool Susun uses to advocate for self-love. "Nourish the individual heart" (Susun 24). To nourish one's heart with self-compassion is to treat it with humanness. Some people are so hard on themselves, exacting their abilities beyond reasonable limits. An analogy of treating ourselves with compassion can be modeled by treating our mental beings as a distinct person. Whenever mistakes are made, empathy runs before punitive measures. The same way one can handle a child who does not know how to conduct themselves, we will treat ourselves with a deep understanding. Self-compassion is a prerequisite for self-forgiveness (Neff et al. 105). How can we forgive our steads if we hold perfectionist principles?

Dangers of lacking self-love are easily noticeable. Though disjunctive, low self-love will lead to low esteem. The opinion of other people concerning our ability will weigh us down. A circumstance which we cannot change may rob our happiness. After a long time of distressful moments, it is very likely that depression will arise. Psychologically, the body will switch to a defensive mode to offset the pressure of the unrelenting bitter experiences (Neff 5). Some defense approached are self-destructive behaviors like the use of drugs, sexual irresponsibility, and eating disarrays. On the external environment, our stress will spill over to the people around us. Mistreatment and bullying (for juniors), low productivity at the workplace, an averse spirit in production teams are just a few long-term products of lacking self-love. It is therefore imperative for people to know emotional well-being starts with loving yourself unconditionally.

Conclusion

Having looked at the various ways of exercising self-love, the ability to exhibit a high sense of positive self-regard narrows down to a matter of choice. The environmental factors of friends, parents, seniors, and mentors have their place in influencing a person's self- evaluation. The individual needs to stand firm and learn their worth. If listening so much to opinions of people is bringing distress, cutting some people or choosing not to listen to them any longer will be important. When mistakes occur, we must be ready to forgive ourselves. There are situations we are not able to change, e.g., looks and talent. Self-compassion allows us to accept the things we cannot change about ourselves (Neff 10). Above all, in every situation, we should place ourselves first prioritizing our peace and comfort.

Works Cited

"Reclaiming your Wholeness with Unconditional Self-Regard." Personal Authenticity Project, 26th June 2010, https://personal-authenticity-project.com/reclaiming-wholeness-unconditional-positive-selfregard. Accessed 3rd March 2019

Neff, Kristin D. "Selfcompassion, selfesteem, and wellbeing." Social and personality psychology compass 5.1 (2011): 1-12.

Neff, Kristin, and Xe Sands. Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. New York, NY: William Morrow, 2011.

Shim, Sungok Serena, Cen Wang, and Jerrell C. Cassady. "Emotional well-being: The role of social achievement goals and self-esteem." Personality and Individual Differences 55.7 (2013): 840-845.

Timmreck, Thomas C. "Overcoming the loss of a love: preventing love addiction and promoting positive emotional health." Psychological Reports 66.2 (1990): 515-528.

Weed, Susun S. "Healing Wise (Wise Woman Herbal Series)." (1989).