Diary of "The First Gentleman" Paper

31st October was the last day of the month, and the following day was the start of another month. It felt like, I was saying goodbye to Denmark and saying hello to Iceland. At last, I was going to be home. Iceland is my home country. After a few days inside the ship, I finally stepped down to my beloved country. I did not complain more, the sailing was smooth, and I met some people with different nationalities which I enjoyed a lot. But I was extra careful, the pandemic is just around the corner..., the so called “Spanish flu” that is killing a lot of people. I tried to maintain social distancing as much as I could. The feeling that I would never come back home again kept on crossing my mind, but after a year of work, study, and research in the Danish Land, and as a professor at the University, it was finally time to give back to my country.

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1st November dawned great weather. Walking is good but surprisingly on this day, I met a boy, a familiar face that caught my attention. The boy was staring at me and yes! I knew him. This was the boy with whom I shared an intimate moment with! It’s still fresh in my memory, he looked more manly now, but he was still a boy. I never thought I would see him again, I thought he had forgotten me, but the moment I stood close to him, I could tell he still remembered me. We experienced a range of emotions that we could not describe. Was it only lust…? or maybe it's more... I couldn’t tell but deep down it felt like the intimate connection was still alive.

By 3rd November, it had been a week in my apartment, still cozy as it was, never changed, it felt surreal, I felt comfortable. I was thankful, I arrived safely. Everything was still intact, spotless clean like I had left it. Words could not explain how I had missed my apartment, my personal space where I can be who I am without fear or pretending. The walls, my art pieces, my library, but most importantly… my room, the personal touch was what I had missed most while I was away. It had been a tough week; I needed to continue my research and prepare myself for my teaching in the University. Although this was my home, the pressure to provide my students with the best possible learning experiences was still heavy on my shoulders. At this moment, I felt that I could really use some reassurance or a shoulder to lean on and open up about different things that were weighing me down.

19th November felt so out of tune that I was even not sure if I would be able to finish the entry…However, I was willing to try my best, as it is the only thing that makes me still feel alive and still a human being. Even though the fever seemed to have stabilized, my head felt extremely heavy and sore, and my whole body was aching. I had to grab a new cloth every once in a while, as thick blood was coming up my throat making me gag. Yet, in all of this, I was so grateful to be surrounded by my dear books and paintings, they made me feel like I had some company.

On 21st November, earlier in the day I felt the need to pull out some of Herman Bang’s books. I felt somehow so close to him… He too felt isolated, misunderstood. He too felt the need for some fresh air and wanted to leave the close-minded Denmark…I remember the joy and expectation of leaving Iceland few years ago to go Denmark for that research project…the hope of a different life, even if it was for a small period of time…But finding myself misunderstood by society exactly like I felt here…and then this boy appeared in my life…Máni Steinn, like a light in the darkness. Was this a sign or something? Only time could tell.

Come 25th November I was sick and did not feel like doing anything. Hopefully, tomorrow was going to be a better day.

26th November was when I realized I needed to get the doctor, I needed to get the doctor, I needed to get the doctor. What was his name? Dr. Garibaldi…I couldn’t remember anymore...it was written on my notebook but it was gone.

I felt like my mind was going places. The paintings around me were alive, they emerged from the wall and they took form dancing around me in a hellish ballet. I wanted to scream but nothing came out because my mouth is no longer there. My face started to peel off, my skin melted and my eyes burnt. I realized that I no longer had a mouth, neither a body nor a face I felt that satyrs’ hands started to take me by the shoulders made me a heinous hurt and I detached my skin then screamed.

I need to get the doctor! I need to get the doctor! need to get the doctor!

The end