Essay Sample on Draft Analysis

Overall, is this a fully-developed/attempted rough draft? Why or why not?

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The draft has been fully developed as it contains quantity information regarding the case in question. From the draft, one can understand why the plaintiff behaved as she did and also what was going on in the defendant's mind to commit the crime. Such justifications are evident in the history researched in the draft.

Is there a thesis? What is it? Give a tip or direction to help make the thesis stronger and/or clearer.

The draft has a thesis statement of rape at the beginning. The thesis shows how women were coerced into rape by men authoritative figure in the progressive era. However, to make a stronger thesis statement, the draft could have stated the plaintiff's age at the time of coercion against that of the defendant.

Does the introduction provide enough background and direction? How might this be made better?

The introduction of this draft has been well structured to show what exactly the paper is all about. To make this part even more compelling to the reader, some critical details like legal and societal definitions of rape could have been included.

Are there topic sentences? Are they just descriptive? Or analytic? Do they connect back to the thesis?

Most paragraphs of the draft begin with a topic sentence. These sentences describe the content discussed inside those paragraphs in simple and few words. The content of the paragraphs as depicted by these topic sentences helps for a more diverse understanding of the rape issue portrayed by the thesis statement.

Which sentence is their strongest topic sentence? Provide a tip on how to make their strongest topic sentence even better.

"According to Heather R. Hiavka (2014), heterogender, heteronormativity, and heterosexuality studies consistently find that traditional gender arrangements, believes and behaviors reinforce women's sexual subordination to men." Among other topic statements, this is the best as it shows aspects of rape in the progressive era and the reasoning behind why such crimes occurred. However, it can be reinforced by data showing the number of rape cases reported to become more significant.

Which topic sentence needs the most improvement? Provide tips on how to improve their weakest topic sentence

"Due to this manner of thinking, it can be assumed that many women during the progressive era learn that their sexuality......".The sentence happens to be weakest since it does not show any vital detail that should is to be discussed in the entire paragraph. Since that paragraph shows which category of women is often raped, that topic sentence can be improved by indicating that young girls are the most endangered age group.

Is there adequate information derived from the transcript?

The draft proves to be quite informative about the case in question throughout its content. The transcript does not only show how the rape occurred but also how rampant such incidents were in the society. It also shows measures that can be taken to mitigate such occurrences.

Is there an analysis of the transcript and crime? Identify a place where analysis could be improved. Give suggestions for doing so.

Analysis of rape crime has been conducted though not conclusively. The draft shows how these crimes are treated as norms in society in this era and also shows how later women decided to stand up for themselves against sexual violations. However, there are some improvements that can be done like the addition of quantitative data to back up the trend in rape crimes. Such improvements should be done to show the intensity and seriousness of the crime in the progressive era.

Are the secondary sources used appropriately? Has enough context been given? Provide an instance where better context should be given.

The draft has been sourced significantly as all borrowed information's have been well cited. The context is sufficiently represented although not significantly. It is well detailed but points could have been made clearer to gain more importance. For instance, when showing how rape was in excessive during the progressive era, comparison to the current situation should have been done to show relevance and variation.

Is the paper properly formatted?

The paper is properly sourced, indented, cited and with proper paragraph sizes. However, there are no subtopics that can help understand the parts of the text being read so that one can gain flow of the draft.

Are there any grammatical or spelling errors? If there are repeated ones, identify them:

Grammatically, the last paragraph lacks any full stop or substantial comma making it too long and hence un-understandable. Such sentencing is witnessed all through the text and compromises details of the draft. The words "heterogender and heteronormativity" feel farfetched and could be replaced by others more appropriate. Addition of a hyphen could also help in improving their spelling.

Are there thorough citations? Identify places where there is information given but no citations:

In-text citations have been placed adequately though some contexts that seem borrowed have not been fully represented. The draft narrates how women took charge after the case to change their perception but it does not show where that information was obtained from.

Overall, what are the strengths of this paper? List several things that are done well:

The paper has really maximized on showing the relevance of the case and the impact it held in society. The draft has been well cited as most information has references to point of origin. Details have not been left out hence little can be challenged in terms of content. Points are well arranged with a thesis statement and topic sentences fully structured.

Point out the 2-3 things that can be developed better and that offer the largest opportunities for improvement.

The sentence construction should receive an adequate improvement to aid in understanding and conveying information better. Paragraphs should also be well structured with shorter sentences for clarity. The draft could ensure that subheadings are offered so that each area can be more elaborate. In so doing, the draft can gain more relevance and significance to the reader.