Termination of a Relationship Case Study

Interaction: I had been in a relationship with this girl for three years now, but we finally broke up when the relationship crumbled. We met while still in high school; we were classmates we later started dating and become romantic partners. During the time, we were in high school everything seemed to be fine. We sometimes disagreed but finally found a way to bury our differences and got back as normal. When we got to college, the relationship took another angle. We would fight because of small issues such as not texting her back on immediately after her texts. Her insecurity took to another level and she did not want to see me interacting with any other girl especially those that she felt were a threat to her. She always insisted that I spend most of the time with her, I had to spend most of my free time with her maybe watching movies or take her shopping. I could not even have enough time to study for my college tests she was always in my room when our classes were over. This made me become frustrated since I could not even afford some time for meditation. In addition, I could rarely spend time with my other friends since she always took up my free time. I formerly used to go home on weekends to spend time with my family but she insisted that I should spend this time with her or she will leave. In some occasions, I would have to lie that it was an emergency to go home. In these occasions, she would frequently call me asking what I was doing. Such conditions become intolerable and finally decided that we should part ways. She responded by supporting the idea and went on to get another boyfriend.

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Analysis: OBSESSIVE RELATIONAL INTRUSION

Obsessive relational intrusion is continuously invading one's privacy (physical or symbolic) privacy by another person even though he or she knows that the invasion is unwanted. The intruder may be a stranger or a known to the victim and has the desire for a cherished relationship. Obsessive relational intrusion individuals who are not in agreement of the objectives of the relationship. The invader continuously pressures for his or her desire for more closeness and intimacy (Cupach & Spitzberg, 2000). For example, my girlfriend was pressing that we spend more time together, therefore invading mine after class time and the weekends that I would have used for other purposes such as studying. She regularly wanted to be with me until I could not be able to have time with my family and other close acquaintances. I was not comfortable with her unending pressure. Obsessive relational intrusion is associated with the pursuer repeatedly pressuring for more connection on several occasions. The invader continues pressuring for more connection despite not getting the same response from the victim or even resistance. The invader is usually focused on a single target that he or she pressures (Cupach & Spitzberg, 2000). My former girlfriend continuously pestered me to spend more time with me. She always came to my room during her free time, even though I was not okay with this behavior. It was her daily practice to find out where I was and what I had been doing despite having expressed my dislike for such behavior. She would frequently call when I am far so that we could talk and therefore there was no time that I could have without her intrusion. Therefore, my girlfriend's continuous pressure to spend more time together that invaded my personal space was an obsessive intrusion, that later leads to the termination of the relationship.

INTERPERSONAL DECEPTION THEORY

Interpersonal deception theory examines acts of deception in the view of interpersonal meetings. The theory is a combination of the principles of interpersonal communication and deception with the aim to get a clear picture of the instances of deception in interactive contexts. For example, my girlfriend must have been deceiving me that she loved me because she was into another relationship after some short period after we had broken up. She also seemed to be in the idea that we should split up. She had little concern about making an effort to make the relationship stay. The interpersonal deception theory involves an iterative process where a person brings up deceptive information that is responded to by moves and countermoves from both people to the interaction process. The deceiving party aims to convince the other party to adopt the deceptive information (Burgoon & Buller, 2006). In this case, my girlfriend deceived me; she claimed that she loved me when clearly this was not the case. She seemed to have just wanted a person who would keep her company and even moved into another relationship. She, therefore, had made successful efforts in deceiving me all the time that we had been in the relationship. This theory has the aspect of interactivity concept which is whether the receiver of the information receives the information in real time. Interactivity determines the expectation of the receiver in perceiving the information as truthful or false (Burgoon & Buller, 2006). In the case of my girlfriend, I perceived her to be more truthful since I would interact with her and would not try to analyze if what she was saying was true. This, therefore, made me more vulnerable to believe in her deceptions, this made me believe her when she told me that she loved me even though this seems unlikely. She also had a biased view of the information that I would tell her; she could easily believe what I told her. This is shown by her believing that I actually had to go home because I had emergencies even though they were just excuses to get away from her.

EXPECTANCY VIOLATION THEORY

The expectancy theory examines how individuals respond to the communication from another party when their expectancies have been violated by that party. In a relationship situation, it means that one does not act in line the anticipations of the other partner (Burgoon, 2000). In this case, I interacted with other girls in the school and this made my girlfriend feel insecure since it is not in her expectation that I would interact with other girls. She insisted that we spend most of the time together since we were in a relationship. This was not my expectation for the relationship, I had no objection to spending time together; but this was not to intrude the period that has been set for the family, other friends, and studies. She was very insecure, making her call or text to enquire was I was doing when I was far. This was quite disturbing considering that we were adults and such behavior was demeaning. Violations of such expectations lead to the disagreements that would shake the relationship and make us be uncomfortable around each other. The disagreements were the response from either of us who felt that his or her expectations in the relationship had been violated. The continuous invasion of my privacy leads to the decision of terminating the relationship since it had become intolerable.

References

Burgoon, J. & Buller, D., (2006). Interpersonal Deception Theory.

Burgoon, J., (2000). Interpersonal expectations, expectancy violations, and emotional communication.

Cupach, W. & Spitzberg, B. (2000). Obsessive relational intrusion: Incidence, perceived severity, and coping. Violence and victims.