Missing: The Feelings of a Summer Evening Without My Grandmother - Essay Sample

Introduction

Fear has officially taken over her bare blank mind. As my eighth-grade graduation is approaching, my family is filled with excitement and sadness simultaneously. As my friends are taking pictures with their families, I take a quick glance but notice someone very important is missing. The feeling of the person I strive to make the most proud was nowhere to be found this summer evening in June.

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My grandmother is missing; an intruder has taken over her mind and body. She does not know she is my grandmother anymore; she tells me not to call her grandma because she is not my grandma. People correct her, but she just gets mad. I have to call her by her first name in order to get a response. This intruder is Alzheimer's disease. A disease that causes your brain cells to waste away and die. A disease that takes away the person you once were. This intruder destroys all your precious memories and makes your family and friends rejected and unloved.

I am tasked with the capacity to comfort her and fill her with confidence that one day she will become better. Even with the confidence instilled in her, I still become afraid that the odds of seeing her recuperate are diminishing as this is a mental disease. The feeling makes her have mixed reactions as sometimes she looks bored, whereas some others make her joyous. You would not tell from the look of things what she thinks or what her next course of action is. My grandmother is only ill, yet the intruder continues to threaten her life. Besides my perception of the disease, I am bitter that fear will outweigh other feelings within the environment that my grandmother participates in.

To overcome fear, I feel thankful for my education yet furious about the cause of my grandmother's condition. I cannot believe that Alzheimer managed to take up the life of an old yet healthy important person in the family. My grandmother is left to wonder what happened to her. You would only tell through her mixed actions and the response she has towards the care given while at home. I feel that the condition has only ruined her life and that of my family members. Everyone's mind is diverted for fear of the extent that the disease could take her. While some of my family members feel enthusiastic to see my graduation, I am only left grief-stricken to the extent that I cannot leave her alone at home. My fear is the lack of hope that one day she will get to the position that she was once.

I do not look stressed, as some people tell. However, deep inside, fear yields some tensed feeling that makes me not to relax. I do not want to get left out, a reason I try to mimic other people's feelings. While this would be a situation with a dilemma, I feel trapped in my mind to the extent that I would not want to hurt my grandmother's feelings and nor would I also want to let the people looking up to my graduation down. As a family, we fear that at one time, she could be rebellious of her people and defy almost everyone in the family. To ourselves, it is the first experience we are having with mental conditions. We all look puzzled but fear telling each other as that would make any of us feel small in the situation. We, therefore, only remain cautious of the actions we do towards each other.

Everything we know about Alzheimer's disease is that it affects one's memory, thinking abilities, and mental capacities. We are left to trace the cause of the disease from various lifestyle factors as they applied to my grandmother. As a learned individual, however, I feel that it exacerbates the cognitive decline and makes one lose their independence. With time, I understand that my grandmother will demand intense care to lengthen her survival.

From the look of her reactions towards various situations, I notice that she is getting stressed and depressed sometimes. I know that this can ruin her life even more; hence, discourage the fear in me to let her cheer up and overcome her capacity to be down and blue even though she seems too aggressive. The only person showing aggressiveness towards her is my mother, who has done some basic care skills. She always states that aggressiveness in certain situations could make her feel affectionate. In that way, she could realize herself and want to reduce the load of care unto her routinely.

As my graduation approaches, I want to become invincible as many people look up to me for my ability to keep her feeling excited and positive about life. I mention to her something to do with my graduation, but she does not seem to understand what I am talking about. I feel uncertain about whether she could accept me to even attend my graduation. Other family members and friends feel so proud of me, yet I fear to tell them about my stresses back home. Instead of getting doubtful about my graduation, I am more drawn towards the recuperation of my grandmother.

Fear yields cowardice and discourages my satisfaction with the situation. I only become stubborn at times when one approaches me of the situation I am going through. I do not want to show humiliation at the dilemmatic situation but just want to be still and confident also that my grandmother will feel good. I do not get moody, yet the influence of others lets me change my personalities and characters like one suffering from a similar mental condition. My siblings remain shocked, also seeing that Alzheimer's is making my grandmother feel rejected. Being above them, I have to overcome fear and comfort them to only get easy with the situation.

Everyone quotes to me that the disease is a challenge in life that will make the family even more uneasy and scared, and as such, these feelings can only yield fear that would even ruin our relationships. Therefore, we all seem burdened with the task of fostering care to my grandmother until she recovers. After my graduation, I should be looking for the best solutions to Alzheimer's disease to see my grandmother get well. I am fortunate that the condition can be addressed despite the talks by other people regarding mental conditions. I will not be lazy but will work hard to see fear get eliminated from my grandmother and everyone attached. All I want at this period is to become self-conscious of whatever is happening and not let the fear out of condition let me disregard the joy from my graduation.