Essay Sample on The Heartbreak Illusion: Kathryn Schulz on Expectations and Relationships

Being wrong by Kathryn Schulz is a warm book that book that explains why we do what we do. In chapter twelve about heartbreaks, Schulz assesses heartbreak.

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Schulz describes our expectations in relationships to be an illusion: Expectations when you meet a person you love or when you tell somebody about the person you met. Expectations again come in the way of the relationship and finally when you end the relationship. Heartbreak which the chapter is about finally sets in and the person is caught in an emotional mangle. As gory as heartbreaks, Schulz ascertains however that living does not necessarily involve getting expectations right.

Schulz uses Felder to show the bad side of a divorce. She symbolizes the death of marriage in Felder's office as well as the how Felder's waiting room takes away all expectations of marriage. The room also consumes expectations of her clients such as weddings, cakes they had then, their notion of marriage and how beautiful it would be, the facade of romance. Schulz paints Felder's empty waiting room as a place where expectations are swallowed as a whole illustrating the office as a graveyard of love.

Schulz furthermore relays that our expectations of love begin early as young children. Schulz ascertains that even as children we need our expectations of love which are present since birth, to be met. She says that one of our first big hurdles as toddlers is to interpret other emotions towards us and to manage those expectations. Schulz explains that getting this wrong would mean negative feedback and consequences. Simple notions like being ignored or corrected force us to manage our expectations. Our expectations of love leaves us feeling ashamed and humiliated publicly. Expectations she explains, therefore, leaves us feeling lonely.

Misunderstanding our feelings can also cause deeply conflicting feelings. Schulz argues no human being ever knows himself or herself fully. She argues that some errors we make spring from a gap in our mental expectations and the reality itself. However, we have to place a gap between our overrated expectations and that sometimes things may not go our way.

Schulz debates that we have so many expectations about other people. We do care a lot about understanding other people. From the things a loved one tells you on the phone, you can tell if something is wrong. People ask certain questions to help them understand others such as "are you married? Strangers have expectations even before they get to know you or who you are. If it were not so we would not get the satisfying feeling that somebody understands us.

One of the most important tools in managing expectations is communication. Human beings can converse, deliberate and manage expectations. Through communication, we are able to interpret who a person is and what they mean to us.

Extrapolation according to Schulz means making interpretations of another human being's internal state in reference to our own experiences. Statements we say sometimes according to Schulz show attachment without knowing We tend to show attachment to people and things subconsciously in our communication. Knowing and managing our expectations and those of others is therefore key in assessing the emotional health of those dear to us.

Schulz's interpretation of heartbreaks is insightful. It emphasizes the human nature of love and heartbreak. Schulz helps readers know that our expectations lead us to heartbreak. Communication, however, is key in analyzing our expectations and reality. For love to work, you have to be a good listener and a conservationist.

References

Schulz, K. (2010). Being Wrong: Adventures in the Margin of Error. https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=127538671