Essay Example on Parenting: Learning, Adapting, and Evolving in Challenging Situations

Introduction

Parenting, even in the most conventional setting, is not an easy task. Raising a child fundamentally involves numerous responsibilities daily, which consists in keeping children alive and healthy. According to Cartwright (2014), parenting needs learning, evolution, and the adaptation to the situations that the parents and children have never encountered before. It also involves dealing with every single issue that emanates from everyday situations to the best of the parent's ability.

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Interestingly, this responsibility and task do not go unnoticed. In most cases, everyone known to the parent in the society as a whole often sits, watch, and judge every move taken by the parent in caring for the child. While this is so, step-parenting is even more distressful and challenging. Ideally, this type of parenting involves the combination of all the traditional troubles that the biological parent encounters with the additional stress of the entire set of potential challenges (Fine, Coleman, & Ganong, 1998). In most cases, most of these fun new obstacles emanate when the step-parent crosses a boundary, either deliberately or through an honest mistake. Under such circumstances, these actions may provoke the child or the other parent. It is, therefore, crucial for the stepparents to take consideration of the boundaries involved to prevent any possible fallout between them and their stepchildren.

Addressing Step-parenting Issues

Understanding the Stepchild

Having a better understanding of the child as a step-parent is a fundamental step in building a productive relationship and preventing any future fallouts and disagreements. One of the most critical step-parenting skills is monitoring children's activities. Ideally, this involves knowing their daily routine, where they are, who they are with, and what extracurricular activities are they engaged in. On the same note, developing an understanding can also mean being involved in the child's emotional life (Hetherington & Arasteh, 2014). Based on the fact that most decisions and actions among the children are based on emotions, wining their attitude at an early age or days of interaction is crucial. Knowing the children's personal beliefs, degree of anger, and the likes and dislikes will enable the step-parent device the appropriate strategies of handling them without having to disagree with them to the point of fallout. This kind of understanding will allow the step-parent to refrain from any emotional closeness that is not welcomed by the child. According to McCarthy, Edwards, & Gillies (2017), children unreasonably reject the parent with whom they spend most of the time. Moreover, children identify with parents with whom they see most.

Various ways of getting to know a child exists. For example, a step-parent can go to outings or involve in activities together, such as walking the dog, watching a movie, or reading a book. While these activities may look simple as they sound, they are approaches that are helpful that facilitate the creation and development of a strong bond full of understanding and emotional attachment.

Focusing on Positives

While it may not be an easy task, step-parents should try to be accepting and positives towards their stepchildren. For example, a parent could point out when a child does the right thing and even go to en extent of celebrating together with surprise cakes. Handling a child on this matter does not only tell them that you are the right person but also caring just like their biological parents. Studies have also suggested that children should be treated as children and not as adults. It implies that whenever given tasks to do, step-parents should not expect an excellent performance like that of a grown child or adult. Learning dominates the childhood stage. As such, step-parents must understand that underperformance of a child on a given task or activity does not reflect their evil characters or inability, but a sign of excellent performance whenever they grow up. Focusing on positive also shows the children that their efforts are valued within the family. This can be a motivation to them in other settings such as the school or even when playing with their peers (Cartwright, 2014).

Moving gradually into the discipline

Without having a clear guideline, it is undeniably difficult for a step-parent to know and understand where their role ends and where that of biological parents begins. However, step-parents must understand and treat themselves as the 'biological' parents in the absence of biological parents. That being said, such boundaries are not available to limit the role of the parent. They are merely available with the aim of keeping and enhancing healthy level cooperation and understanding. Studies have reported that the closeness and the authority to discipline are things that develop over an extended period of time and should never be rushed nor forced. Most stepparents are eager to build a relationship and mostly seek one-on-one activities with the children (Cartwright, 2014). However, the stepchildren may develop a feeling of discomfort being alone with their step-parents. Regarding these, it is therefore critical for the step-parent to take things at the pace that suits the child. Step-parents should never expect instant love or even like between them (Robinson, Robinson, & Dunn, 2003). They should take advantage of the early days to settle for respect and earn it. This often works best in the first year or two if at all, the step-parent spends time being supportive to his or her stepchild but not taking an active parenting role. It sounds a beautiful thing being someone that a stepchild can depend on for needs, and lean on at the times of problems (Hetherington & Arasteh, 2014; Portrie & Hill, 2005). This is an opportunity for a stepchild to get to know and trust his step-parent. Once a child has developed a significant level of comfort, the step-parent should now take a more parenting role.

Boundaries and things to avoid

Numerous challenges are associated with step-parenting. One of the problems involves a feeling that the child is indiscipline, and that should be scolded (Cartwright, 2014). One major reality that is associated with the step-parenting is that there exists a time when a step-parent will develop an unnatural feeling towards the child, and consistently view him or her as an outsider or stranger. The parent my establish stress and other emotional thoughts, which can end up ruining the relationship between the members of that family, including the other partner, or biological parent to the child (McCarthy, Edwards & Gillies, 2017). There are some lines that no-step-parent should cross, no matter what the situation is.

Avoiding physical discipline

Firstly, step-parent should avoid physically disciplining his or her stepchild (Hetherington & Arasteh, 2014). It is inappropriate for the stepparent that doing so can spank or hit them. While psychologist believes that a corrective parental discipline is paramount for the growth of the child, any behavior that a step-parent feels demand this kind of discipline should be brought to the attention of the other parent (Pacey, 2005). It can become extremely annoying, especially when the stepchildren are vulnerable to lashing out against the stepparent through certain types of misbehavior (Hetherington & Arasteh, 2014). However, as an adult, it is essential for the stepparent not to lose their tempers. In cases where one feels beginning to get worked up, they should eliminate themselves from such situations. Psychologists generally believe that children act out of specific reasons, especially when they see parents are angered. Backing down is an essential dissipating agent, particularly for such behaviors.

Speaking negatively about the other parent

Studies have suggested that a stepchild should not hear a stepparent talk negatively about the other parent, who may be biological to them (Cartwright, 2010). Even if the child complains about them, this is not often the position of the parent to agree or add comments on such matters. In the cases whereby stepchildren have issues, the stepparent should be ready to listen to them and providing them with a safe place to vent their emotions. However, parents should remain natural when it comes to situations that involve sensitive topics like this. Anytime a stepparent speaks, he or she must be sure to provide value to the conversation by delivering positivity, empathy, and understanding. Just because a stepchild may talk negatively about their biological parent, it does not mean that they will allow somebody else to do so (Sommers-Flanagan & Polanchek, 2017). Ideally, this may sound like an extreme attack on them and damage to their wellbeing.

Assuming Immediate Authority

Studies have shown that this boundary relies on the age of the child (McCarthy, Edwards, & Gillies, 2017). In a situation where the stepchildren are still young, then step-parent should establish a commanding role in their lives. In most cases, this will be easier to do. Young children need more authoritative figures and may less likely to demonstrate defiance of the given authority. However, when the children are older, the opposite must dominate. The only secret is trying to make friends with them through entering their lives and supporting them. The stepparent should further focus on building a positive relationship with them.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the thought of being a step-parent can be challenging. However, having an opportunity to raise two families together is worth it. While it is true that being a step-parent is considerably different from being a parent, the application of proper step-parenting skills can help eliminate or reduce the negative impacts brought about by a specific set of obstacles and hardships. It is essential for stepparents to act as replacement and not as strangers or authority figures. They should also develop an excellent physical and emotional understanding of their stepchildren to establish a long-lasting relationship between them.

References

Cartwright, P. (2014). Step-parenting. Families, policy, and the law: Selected essays on contemporary issues for Australia. https://researchspace.auckland.ac.nz/bitstream/handle/2292/36186/SPing%20Cartwright.%202014_.pdf?sequence=8

Cartwright, C. (2010). An exploratory investigation of parenting practices in stepfamilies. New Zealand Journal of Psychology (Online), 39(1), 57. https://www.psychology.org.nz/wp-content/uploads/NZJP-Vol391-2010-7-Cartwright.pdf

Fine, M. A., Coleman, M., & Ganong, L. H. (1998). Consistency in perceptions of the step-parent role among step-parents, parents, and stepchildren. Journal of social and personal relationships, 15(6), 810-828. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0265407598156006

Hetherington, E. M., & Arasteh, J. D. (2014). Impact of divorce, single parenting, and stepparenting on children: a case study of visual agnosia. Psychology press.

Robinson, P. W., Robinson, M. P., & Dunn, T. W. (2003). STEP parenting: A review of the research. Canadian Journal of Counselling and Psychotherapy/Revue Canadienne de counseling et de psychotherapie, 37(4). https://cjc-rcc.ucalgary.ca/article/download/58722/44211

McCarthy, J. R., Edwards, R., & Gillies, V. (2017). Making families: Moral tales of parenting and step-parenting. Routledge-Cavendish.

Pacey, S. (2005). Step change: The interplay of sexual and parenting problems when couples form stepfamilies. Sexual and relationship therapy, 20(3), 359-369. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/14681990500141899

Portrie, T., & Hill, N. R. (2005). Blended families: A critical review of the current research. The Family Journal, 13(4), 445-4...