Essay Sample on My Role in Conflict: Growing Up and Growing Apart

Paper Type:  Essay
Pages:  8
Wordcount:  2173 Words
Date:  2023-03-12

"Dad, by saying that you are failing me now! It's a big cop-out! I guess you aren't the person I always thought you were when I was growing up!"

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"No, I guess I'm not! Glad you finally figured out that I'm human!"

What is my role here sincerely, what am I role am I playing.... Am I the san or the parent? Who am I in this particular conflict? Sometimes it becomes very challenging when you get older and starts viewing yourself as an adult. What is the main way I am getting angry at my father? What is the cause of all these frustrations that I am undergoing? Why am I trying to hold my dad to some impossible standards?


There always reaches a point in our lives that we realize that our parents or guardians have got some faults. Before we come to this point, our guardians and parents are always all-knowing, they are deemed spectacular and always over protecting at times. We always feel heartbroken when realizing that our parents are not perfect in everything and it is always difficult to accept that they had weaknesses too. We don't want to accept that our parents or guardians are superheroes but we must just move on and grow up. In this paper, I want to prove that in the process of growing up our communication styles mature and our communication system mature and out conflict resolution styles also mature. At the moment that you are confronted with the initial parental set back, we tend to take a very bitter argumentative and aggressive for of reaction just because we are disappointed with what we have always expected them to be. We get angry because we can no longer act like children and we are hurt that guardians and parents now have very little responsibility for us.

The Wilmot and Hocker Guide (2001) provides a very distinctive focus on the nature of conflict and the resolution process will be a very tool for the analysis of this paper. Using this framework I am going to show the nature of my Father/Son conflict, my father's interest in the conflict as my interest in this conflict, the perception that we had. I will also show our conflict style together with the transformation based on thoughtful reflection, forgiveness and personal change. The conclusion part of the essay will mainly be my awareness of the transformation journey upon the quarrel that existed between myself and my Dad.

The Nature of Conflict and Triggers

At this particular stage, I want to explain the nature, assumption, and history that led to the conflict between me and my dad. I also want to examines and explain the state of my heart before and also after the conflict. I was generally in the stage of life where I was very proud to decide on my own without involving any party and was impressed in figuring out how I will achieve my future goals. I just felt like I needed some guidance to go over the closest person that could assist me here was my dad. I felt bitter when he told me that I was much better than him and this was the main cause of quarreling between the two of us. I seem like I was more than lost when I compared myself with my friends' whom I believe we're getting full support and guidance from their parents and guardians. I asked myself several questions about why I was experiencing, now approaching the adult stage of life, I need somebody mature that can teach the trick and nature of life but nobody. My father whom I believe was the best person to assist was nowhere to help to elaborate that I was even much better than him. My friends were getting support from their parent including the school tuition fee, loan application processes, how to manage finance so that you can be successful in the future but I lacked all this guidance.

Before reaching this point in life my father and I were the closest friends ever. We were going through life struggles together, during financial constrain and emotional distress, and life was just normal knowing very well that I had somebody to cling at the point when I had any problem. He was the best dad, and in turn, I was one of the most obvious successes in his eyes. After moving out and starting to struggle without the assistance of my father, I felt that I was carrying more than my father was. I was spending more monthly on my basic needs, I had to attend school full time and for debts and other secondary necessities. I felt like I was thin to carry this heavy load. I started viewing myself as an old adult instead of a young college boy trying to save her back through the assistance of his father.

I was already very hungry with my father to an extent that immediately he was back from the job, I started accusing him of being very selfish and irresponsible. I never called her names but only tried to lecture him on how other parents were responsible and as a result, I make him feel guilty that there was something he was mot attending. He was very defensive and he gave a lot of excuses for his actions. At a given point my father stated that "I wasn't born smart or a hard worker like you were." And at this point, I felt like I was more betrayed.

The argument was mainly triggered by the harbored resentment that I was having. In case my father was not my parent then I would have not expected any kind of assistance from him in my life. But I had this social reality that students in the college were supposed to be taken care of by their parents and this included paying for the school fee and giving the child ant kind of assistance whenever needs arise. If at any point we would have come to understand the reasons for his action before the conflict then I would have not expected his help but being that I never, new any of his flaws I had the right to demand assistance from him.


Wilmot and Hocker in his review believe that there is always a very important question when looking at conflict. The main question in this matter is, "what does each party want?" within these questions lies four important issues that need to be addressed and they are the main goals that are pursued in a conflict. The four categories include process, relationship, identity/framework, and the content. These four me categories of the question help us to understand what is persuing in a conflict.

My interest in this particular conflict was general to do with money. I felt like my father was not giving the required monetary support to achieve and finish my university studies. Since I was still a young person who was dedicated to finishing up his schooling process, I felt it was the duty of my dad to pay my school and assist be me financially because I had grown to believe that he was capable of paying my school fees. I didn't want to participate in any way to support him but after listening to his argument too I realized that truly I was grown up and there are some simple financial duties that I could manage reflecting the weight that my dad had in taking care of all the household requirements.

In a relationship, interest I wanted to be viewed as a young man who needed help and not as an adult who can take care of himself. When I was comparing myself with the other students in the school I felt like I was taking too much responsibility. I was taking care of all my bills including the rent and tuition fees when their parents were supporting all my friends and class. Most of the students in the school had enough finance and parental support to concentrate in their studies while I had to look for the school and other basic needs and at the same time concentrate in my studies, I felt like the burden was too much and my father needs to come in and assist just like other students.

I wanted to view my dad as a super dad and when he told me that he was not smart as I was, I perceived as a child who was trying to play or pleading for a scapegoat. I only came to realize later that my dad was just trying to be more of a friend to me rather than an authoritative figure to me. That's why he thought I needed to be treated more like an adult so that I could learn to be independent and took on some of the responsibilities. Due to the fact that I took a lot of responsibilities, I was given several privileges such as no punishment for overspeeding and late curfew because I was at a position of paying for all the expenses.

My main process goal after this conflict was to out and look for positive ways that could change my life. My father agreed with me. He said that if I felt like there was a lot of stress at home then I was free to move out because he can work hard and me it even if I was not around. I felt guilty even though I moved out of how my dad was going to stay alone and at this juncture, I felt like the statement was main to instill some guilt on me and to give my dad some sought of power over me.

Styles and Tactics

The conflict styles are generally the patterns of responses or the behaviors that people use in a conflict. Tactics, however, are the personal moves that a person carries out in their general approach. In the scenario of my conflict with my father, all our conflict styles were different. Both of us were very active and assertive in the conflict however much my father tried to avoid me as I was using all the possible means to engage him. From the conflict, my Dad was trying to protect his weaknesses and the main tactics that he was using were to disengage in the conflict. However, I also had to protect my feel of neglection and vulnerability in the college and as a result, I was very verbal and also threatening at the same time. however, all my threats backfired when my father proves not to be bothered. He told me to just move out if I think there was a lot of stress staying with him.

In most of the cases, both of us failed to use the correct tactics that would yield a proper solution to the conflict. At the end of the conflict and argument, I used avoidance tactics. I decided that I was moving out of the house and not to deal with the conflict anymore. After making a serious stepping and moving out of the house I only came to realize that I did not solve any problem. I still had the financial burden to take care of and the situation was even worse now that I was going to stay alone. However much I am still dealing with my father's past resentment I am slowing trying as much as possible to change my conflict style so that I can accept my father for the person he was and also to accept his weaknesses.

Attempted Solution and Mediation

Wilmot and Hocker generally give three approaches toward conflict moderation. The first one is using your tactics to change the other party, the second one is to interfere with the conflict condition and lastly to change how you communicate or your perception of the conflict. As time is passing by we have been in contact with my father. Most of the time I try to forget about these previous conflicts and to move on with a normal life but avoiding my feeling is not something that I might like in this relationship. The main attempt of a solution that I have tried to work on is my perception of my father and the conflict in general. I am just trying to view it like a normal human being but not necessarily as a super dad. I have never seen any positive change or move in my father's perception towards the conflict and am I don't want to reawake the face of the conflict by asking him these. I, therefore, don't believe that I can change him. However much the conflict has not been rally resolved, I am still using it as a great opportunity for growth and change in my present and future life. My solution is to accept my father's imperfections and work hard to make good choices in life not to follow some of his examples.

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