Essay Sample on Men vs Women: Who's to Blame?

Introduction

In today`s society, there exist successful relationships with others that do not succeed. Often, many conflicts between individuals in relationships are not quickly resolved to lead to divorces. Saying that a particular one sex is more responsible for the causes of challenges involving relationships is wrong (Gottman 10). Therefore, everyone in the relationship has to be assessed carefully to identify the purpose of the conflict or the flaws that affect relationships. Men blame women for being the cause of all the relationship problems, and on the other hand women have their ways of defending themselves by blaming men in various ways. However, to solve or reduce the flaws, every individual in a marriage should assess their actions and how they might affect their relationships.

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Furthermore, one of the reasons that cause relationship failures is money or lack of specific necessities. If one of the partners always uses his or her money in paying bills then it reaches a time when that partner gets tired and proposes for a break-up (Scott, Rhoades, Stanley, Allen, & Markman 131). Addictions are another cause to break up, which can be addicted to things like drugs or other words that make the marriage uncomfortable. Then paper is to discuss a relationship that failed in that it did not makeup, the causes of the break up are discussed and how the issues could have been resolved by the couples without divorcing. The information in the discussion is obtained through interviewing a couple that has undergone a relationship break up after living a long serious relationship, then the advice that I could give them if they could have asked for my opinion.

After interviewing a couple who broke up after being in a serious relationship for a long time, the causes of the break up are things that are most common for other divorces experienced by most couples in the current society. The couple reported more than one cause of their break up. The reasons were due to a lack of commitment on the part of the other partner, frequent domestic conflicts, and infidelity.

The commitment of the other partner stated to reduce gradually until a time when it has eroded in that it no longer sustain the relationship, which forced the couples to break up the relationship. The couple mentioned that during the start of their relationship, everyone was committed, and they were seriously helping each other. The drop in commitment as the period of the relationship increases was mainly due to adverse event which is infidelity. The couple interviewed stated there was violation of the stated or assumed contract of their marriage by the other partner due to the act of cheating. The cheating act violated the rules or the norms attached to relationships of people who have engaged in marriage.

The result of the infidelity was jealousy and anger caused by psychological damage as the exclusivity expectations of marital relationships, which are assumed have not been met but violated. Also, the cheating made the faithful couple to feel raged and betrayed. When the act of infidelity went public, the couple experienced social consequences, which mostly depend on the gender of the unfaithful partner. The infidelity resulted in frequent domestic conflicts with each other, which irritated the faithful partner so much until it gave rise to the idea of divorce.

More so, looking at the causes of the break up between the couple, it could have been avoided in that the unfaithful partner could have been advised to leave the act and focus on the marriage relationship. The two partners were to come up together and look for a way to ensure they commit to their relationship as before. This could be successful if the cheating partner could have surrendered and testify the infidelity act and seek for forgiveness, instead of breaking up a better alternative, which is beneficial to both parties as appropriate. Alternative dispute resolution could have been applied through a law of collaborative family, arbitration, or mediation. Also, the couple could have avoided the divorce for the good of their children as the family will flourish and will be stable when they are together and supports each other by being committed and responsible for any action they do for the good of their children.

The issue here is unfaithfulness in a marriage, which has caused low commitment. The small responsibility which probably was born by the act of infidelity where one of the partners in the marriage was cheating could have been resolved by advising the cheating partner on the consequences of its behavior on their marriage. The partner could have been called by some family members and advised on the right track to going on a marriage relationship and even warned for such bad behavior. The unfaithfulness is the primary source of low commitment and the conflicts, and to make the couple reconcile, attention should not be directed to resolving the conflict but to deal first with the issue of unfaithful partner as it will solve the other problems. Conduction of conflict self-evaluation process should be applied to assist the partners to assess their attitudes towards the differences they hold. More so, in using mediation, the areas of disagreement should be focused, and the partners must agree on all the things they are told so that the mediation process can be successful.

If the couple has come to me for advice, I could have inquired the cause of the problem they are experiencing, and then ask them if they are ready to change and live well as they were at first. If they are available then I carry out a mediation process by resolving the conflict and ensuring both partners come into agreement that they leave their differences and reconcile together instead of breaking up. The consequences of divorce, along with its cost are weighed and compared with resolution of the problem, and by understanding the value and benefit of the two actions the couple will have chosen resolution as its cost is low, and its consequences are positive through bringing the family together for the second time.

Conclusion

In conclusion, break up in a marriage relationship that has lasted for a long time is caused by infidelity, the presence of low commitment, which might be contributed by the act of infidelity of one of the partners. Also, the presence of frequent domestic conflicts makes one of the partners irrigated if the source of the disputes is actions the other partner. During a divorce, a range of emotions is experienced which is different from normal feelings. The feelings can be sadness, anger, mistrust, fear, disappointment, and sense of betrayal. Instead of divorce, the couple could have considered other alternatives such as mediation, arbitration, and community resolution which could have finished the problem and ensured the couple remains in their marriage. For mediation to be successful, the couple has to be prepared and make their expectations from the mediation flexible to allow for any adjustment that might be made and is contrary to the initial expectation of one of the partners as people who conflicted expect different solutions from mediation.

Works Cited

Gottman, John Mordechai. What predicts divorce?: The relationship between marital processes and marital outcomes. Psychology Press, 2014.

Scott, S. B., Rhoades, G. K., Stanley, S. M., Allen, E. S., & Markman, H. J. (2013). Reasons for divorce and recollections of premarital intervention: Implications for improving relationship education. Couple and Family Psychology: Research and Practice, 2(2), 131. Assessed from https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2013-23602-005