Essay Example on Romantic Rejection: A Letter of Support & Hope

I am apologetic about what is going on in your life. I have been in a situation like yours before. After reading your letter, I have identified that the interpersonal issue you are facing is romantic rejection. As it appears, you are still in love with him and want to rekindle your relationship. You say that you contacted him but he replied that the timing was not right. Undoubtedly, you feel rejected because you did everything you could for you to be together but it was all in vain. The way he flirts with other girls and avoids calling you to discuss your relationship is a sign of rejection. Additionally, it appears that the rejection is bringing you shame because other people are noticing your ex-boyfriend flirting with girls. In the next section, I will explain what learning materials and other scholarly sources say about the issue. Besides that, I will use what we have covered in the semester to respond to your letter.

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Weekly learning resources discuss some issues in interpersonal relationships. One way to look at your relationship with your ex-boyfriend is by using the Johari window. A person can use the Johari window to identify things they know and things they do not know about themselves (LEZakel, 3:20). The Johari window has four panes, which include the open, blind, hidden, and unknown (4:05). For example, in the case of the writer of the letter, the open window contains things that the writer knows about herself and what her ex-boyfriend, Luke, knows about her. The blind pane contains things the ex-boyfriend knows about the writer that she does not know about herself (5:40). More so, the hidden pane contains what the writer knows about herself that no one else does (6:45). Additionally, the unknown pane contains what both the writer and the ex-boyfriend do not know about each other (7:20). Using the Johari window, the writer and the ex-boyfriend can establish a common ground and find out what they share in common. After finding the common ground, the writer can know where their relationship is headed.

The sub-issue that the letter addresses is that the writer and her ex-boyfriend are avoiding conflict. When the writer contacted her ex-boyfriend, she mentioned that he did not say much to make her understand what could have happened between them. The ex-boyfriend appears to be avoiding conflict with his girlfriend because he is reluctant to explain to her the direction of their relationship. Besides that, another sub-issue is that the relationship seems to be growing apart. When the writer contacted her ex-boyfriend to establish where their relationship is headed, the ex-boyfriend's response that the time was not right shows that their relationship is growing apart. More so, the ex-boyfriend's behavior of flirting with other females shows that his relationship with the writer is not as strong as it was before she got her promotion.

One of the classroom learning materials talks about the theory of linguistic relativity. Based on the source, the hypothesis of linguistic relativity is language shapes ideas and guide an individual's activity (Marshall, 2020). According to the theory, language plays a huge role in shaping reality but should not be used in the extreme for it to turn into relativism (Marshall, 2020). The sub-issue of avoiding conflict and the relationship growing apart in the theory of linguistic relativity applies in a way that the writer's language seems to influence her thinking but does not determine it. From her language, she appears to have feelings of shame because of the rejection she has faced from her ex-boyfriend. Furthermore, based on the Johari window, both the writer and the ex-boyfriend's thoughts fall on the open window. Since they both know about one another, they are trying to avoid conflict because they know their behavior. Besides that, their relationship seems to be growing apart because of their information that is contained in the hidden pane of the Johari window. From the letter, it appears that both the writer and the ex-boyfriend have hidden truths and lies about themselves. Both of them are unsure of the way to handle the situation because Luke's response to it is to deflect away from the situation and flirt with other girls while the writer's response is to keep contacting Luke despite him telling her that the timing is not right.

In response to your letter, you should avoid contact with your ex-boyfriend, Luke. As it has been established, you are facing romantic rejection. Charlot (2018) affirmed that romantic rejection influences a person's ideals and flexibility as it interferes with their warmth-trustworthiness, vitality-attractiveness, and status-resources. In this case, the ideals and flexibility of the writer are affected. Considering her tone and choice of words, it is evident that the writer of the letter has low standards because of her rejection concerns.

Due to romantic rejection, there are several steps that you should take. They include the following,

• Take a break - since you had a solid relationship with Luke, it would be advisable to take a break from him and not contact him anymore to preserve your feelings. Understandably, that you are hurt but the best choice at this moment is to let him find you when he is ready to proceed with the relationship.
• Do not let it affect you - since you have mentioned that he is openly flirting with other girls, it is advisable to not take it personally. You have already tried your best to make the relationship work but it appears that the relationship is growing apart. Do not let the situation weigh in on your personality and affect the relationships you have with people around you. Savage (2016) indicated that when someone else's actions hurt another person's feelings, then they are taking the situation personally. According to the author, taking things personally affects interpersonal relationships. The author encourages people who have a rejection to personalize their feelings to discover more about themselves.
• Be graceful - in as much as you are experiencing shame and hurt from the romantic rejection, do not overreact about the situation. Charlot (2018) advised that a person who faces romantic rejection should have high standards to manage to have positive relationship outcomes. In your case, you could handle the rejection as a mature person by texting or calling to wish him well in his endeavors and if comfortable, you could tell him that you will always be there if he wishes to come back.
• Be dignified - it would be best if you handle the relationship with dignity and not wallow in self-pity. The more a person facing romantic rejection remains impassive, the more they will be unable to reach an emotional equilibrium (Caprez, 2017). To deal with the situation of romantic rejection effectively, you should avoid self-pity.
• Take the situation seriously - since Luke has already shown you his nature, it is advisable to take the situation seriously and leave him alone. Savage (2016) asserted that people should handle situations seriously and not personally to avoid getting their feelings hurt.
• Give yourself time to grieve - since my response to you is to avoid contact with Luke, it would be best if you give yourself time to grieve from the romantic relationship. It will be helpful because you will manage to reflect on your needs and wants in life. Gradually, it will get better and you will find someone who you will have a connection with and build a healthy relationship. More so, you could overcome grief by strengthening the other relationships you have with other people. Those relationships will help you sustain in the future.

References

Caprez, J. (2017). Dealing with romantic rejection. The Hays Daily News. Retrieved from https://www.hdnews.net/bf61165f-f85b-5118-ba0f-ec48fa94a0a9.html

Charlot, N. H. (2018). The influence of romantic rejection on change in ideal standards, ideal flexibility, and self-perceived mate value. Electronic Thesis and Dissertation Repository. 5378. Retrieved from https://ir.lib.uwo.ca/etd/5378

LEZakel. (n.d). Johari window in interpersonal relationships. [Video File]. YouTube. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7FhcvoVK8s&feature=youtu.be

Marshall, G. (2020). Theory of linguistic relativity. Encyclopedia.com. Retrieved from https://www.encyclopedia.com/social-sciences-and-law/sociology-and-social-reform/sociology-general-terms-and-concepts/theory-linguistic-relativity

Savage, E. (2016). Don't take it personally: The art of dealing with rejection. Open Road Distribution.