Essay Example on Geographical Closeness and Distance in Relationships

Introduction

Individualization and globalization brought about by various social changes have had a huge impact on people's intimate and emotional lives. The effect of geographical mobility on relationships has been debated over the years. According to psychology, geographical closeness generally leads to emotional closeness (Ben-Zeev). Other psychologists argue that some kind of distance is needed for relationships to flourish (Ben-Zeev). While geographical distance refers to the physical distance between people, emotional distance refers to the strength of the emotional bond between partners. Some of the causes of emotional distance include stress, a cycle of criticism, loss of feelings, among others. However, I strongly believe that distance and proximity are not the only determinants of a healthy relationship. While the emotional bond remains strong regardless of geographical separation in some relationships, other relationships crumble in spite of physical closeness. To further understand geographical and emotional distance and their effects on relationships, this paper will analyze My Very Dear Wife by Sullivan Ballou and Hills Like White Elephants by Ernst Hemingway.

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Geographical Separation

Distance relationships have been the response to the changes mentioned earlier in this paper. Besides, such changes are not new. They have been present throughout human history. For instance, men have always traveled to far off places to look for work. Moreover, especially in the last century, men went to fight various wars, leaving their families behind. Today, distance relationships are common, especially among dual-career couples, couples who work in different places. Generally, it is argued that geographical separation makes it difficult to maintain love. When people get divorced from time, place, and each other, they tend to grow apart. When physical proximity is no more, connections become uncertain. In the face of this uncertainty, the partners resort to means that would help keep them connected, such as mobile phones in the current generation, and letters in the past century. Unfortunately, these means only serve as superficial substitutes that cannot replace the substantive bonds that occur when the partners are in close proximity. Therefore, loss of proximity increases the likelihood of the disappearance of various forms of intimacy.

However, as depicted in Sullivan Ballou's letter, this is not always the case. My Very Dear Wife shows that love and feelings can exist regardless of geographical distance. It was the last letter written by Major Sullivan Ballou to his wife, Sarah. He was a Major in the Rhode Island Infantry. He wrote this letter as the forces prepared to move into Virginia in the summer of 1961. The letter expressed his deep concern that he could fall on the battlefield. His fears came true as he was killed one week later on the plains of Manassas. Other than being the last letter written by a gallant soldier to his young wife, this letter demonstrates that a partner can retain intimate feelings regardless of geographical distance. Lying several miles away from home and with the possibility of death getting closer by the minute, Ballou declares, "Sarah, my love for you is deathless. It seems to bind me with mighty cables, that nothing but Omnipotence can break" (National Park Service). The letter also shows the huge role that memories play in maintaining strong feelings in a relationship even during geographical separation. Ballou states, "The memories of all the blissful moments I have spent with you come crowding over me, and I feel most deeply grateful to God and you, that I have enjoyed them so long" (National Park Service). It is the love for his wife and children that gives him the hope that he might return unharmed.

As mentioned earlier, when partners are separated geographically, they come up with other means of communicating. Writing letters was the means chosen by Ballou. My Very Dear Wife is among the various letters that he wrote to Sarah in the course of the war. Unfortunately, no letter written by Sarah to Ballou exists. Therefore, this letter only offers a singular perspective of the relationship and how it was faring despite the geographical separation. However, it is clear from the letter that the separation has caused a strain on Ballou's side. He longs to see and be with his wife. That Ballou expresses deep love for his wife cannot be denied. Towards the end of the letter, he writes that "If I do not [return], my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, nor that, when my last breath escapes me on the battle-field, it will whisper your name" (National Park Service). Therefore, against the general argument, Ballou managed to maintain intimate feelings for his wife in spite of the geographical separation.

Emotional Separation

While geographical separation might cause strains in an intimate relationship, emotional separation leads to isolation. Isolation can be described as a feeling of complete loneliness. The feeling does not necessarily occur when one is alone. Emotionally, it is possible for one to feel completely abandoned and utterly lonely, even when they are around people. The feeling can make one feel insignificant and withdrawn from society. This is the dominant feeling in Hills Like White Elephants. While My Very Dear Wife presents a couple whose love seems to flourish in spite of geographical separation, Hills Like White Elephants present the story of a strained relationship regardless of the physical closeness. It is a classic example of the impact of emotional distance on a relationship. Though the writer is highly vague in his work, giving no names to the characters and leaving the reader to determine what the couple is talking about, the strain in the relationship is evident. Though the man tells the woman that he loves her, the fact that he is doing so while drinking beer waters down the seriousness of his statement.

The fact that the woman is drinking alcohol while pregnant shows how little the couple cares about their unborn baby. A discussion on abortion ensues, and it is clear that the man wants the woman to terminate the pregnancy. The woman says, "But if I do it, then it will be nice again if I say things are like white elephants, and you'll like it?" (Hemingway 40). This shows that the woman wants to keep the baby and also implies that she believes that their relationship cannot be salvaged. Therefore, despite being on vacation in Spain, the emotional distance between them is tearing them apart.

Early in the essay, the girl is depicted as innocent and naive. However, as the story develops, she displays resentment and rebellion, which helps bare the realities of their relationship. In one instance, she asks whether they could try the Anis del Toro. This shows her yearning for experience. However, the entire experience turns out to be disappointing as captured when she says, "Everything tastes like Licorice. Especially everything you've waited so long for, like absinthe" (Hemingway 40). Through the use of short sentences and various symbols, the author clearly shows the dying love and happiness between the man and the woman. The great tension in the relationship comes up when the couple is faced with the decision on whether to terminate the pregnancy or not. Though the man wants to find a solution, the woman is desperately avoiding any commitment. Though the man sees the baby as the only thing that could cause distress in the relationship, the existing distress, and tension between the two is visible throughout the essay. Therefore, physical proximity does not always result in emotional closeness.

Conclusion

The analysis of the two works clearly shows that distance and proximity are not the only determinants of a healthy relationship. In My Very Dear Wife, the constant communication by Ballou seems to keep the relationship healthy regardless of the geographical separation. However, miscommunication and failure to agree on important matters seems to be tearing the relationship apart in Hills Like White Elephants. Moreover, the discussion shows that while a relationship can withstand geographical distance, emotional distance is much more disastrous. Though Ballou's letter offers a one-sided view, it presents the story of a love that is flourishing regardless of the physical distance and the danger of death. On the other hand, Hemingway's story shows how emotional distance can tear a relationship apart regardless of the physical closeness.

Works Cited

Ben-Zeev, Aaron. "How Much Distance Can Your Relationship Tolerate?" 24 March 2015. psychologytoday.com. 14 May 2019. <https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-the-name-love/201503/how-much-distance-can-your-relationship-tolerate%3famp>.

Hemingway, Ernest. "Hills like white elephants." Men without women (1927): 39-44.

National Park Service. "Manassas National Battlefield Park "My Very Dear Wife" - The Last Letter of Major Sullivan Ballou." n.d. National Park Service. 14 May 2019. <https://www.nps.gov/resources/story.htm%3Fid%3D253>.