Confession has been one of the main agendas for Augustine and autobiographical accounts in his life. In his story, Augustine flashbacks to his sinful moments, how he grew up in sin, the revelation he attempted, and how he finally decided to live according to Christianity through giving his life or living in Christian ways.
It was not an easy decision for Augustine to make to change his life because he did not understand what religion means. In his book, we read how he has been struggling to know who God is and how he existed. In book 1, Augustine describes how he thinks God is, and in his prayers, he has missing words at an early age. Through his prayers, here is how he has been describing his feelings, “Lord, I observed men praying to You: and learned to do likewise, thinking of you as some being who, though unseen, could hear and help me…that I might not be beaten at school” Augustine could only pray to avoid punishment from God but did not understand what he has been doing.
Augustine experienced difficulties trying to change his life because he enjoyed his life most before Christianity; Augustine enjoyed life outside Christianity because there are no restrictions on how to live. Augustine says, “I burned for all the satisfactions of hell,” the statement shows that he knew what he was doing, and he was willing to continue his life in deep temptation. At all times, Augustine always has excuses for his evil actions that could help him console himself and keep sinning. After fornication, Augustine could always console himself through his phrase “the single desire that dominated my search for delight was simply to love and be loved,” he fornicates and gives such reason for him fornicating. His mother is on watch and could warn him most of the time about the evils of the world and the adverse effects of engaging in sex before marriage, but Augustine could take the worry of his mother as usual and for human beings. His reflections seem confusing to understand; when he was writing his biography, he was a changed Christian, but still, there is away in which he tries to twist his sins and of others and compare them to God’s characteristics. Augustine argues that pride is brought about by the perception that God is the highest power which of cause is accurate, but still, he says that human curiosity and the desire for knowledge are all based on the premises of “God knows all,”
Finally, Augustine decides to change to Christianity after some conversation with his friend in Millan. To forget his past and focus ahead, he goes to the garden but still some voices in his mind could tell him that he is not ready to change now, when the thoughts start to go away Augustine hears a sound that is telling him to read the bible most of his time. He could read the verse that says to him to “put on the Lord Jesus Christ” he could no longer be a trap to temptations after converting to Christian.
In my opinion, the reasons why Augustine decided to convert to Christianity are both satisfying and unsatisfying. At the time when Augustine was being “saved” reflect some sense, Augustine was “saved” when he reached the rock bottom, he was into sin and was not happy with his situations. He could not fill the voids with education, sex, or philosophy but seek the relationship of God, and that was only the aspect he was missing in his life to make him whole.
Conclusion
The unsatisfying part of his story is how fast he decided to change his life, and I keep on wondering why he did not do it sooner and just have to wait. Augustine had the same information he is having now before, and why did he not decide to be complete.
Works Cited
Ryan, John Kenneth, ed. The Confessions of Saint Augustine. Vol. 101. Image, 1960.
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